The Person and Behavioural Change

The Person and Behavioural Change

Presupposition 4: Even though the only reliable information about a person is the behavior, the person is not the behaviour.

Presupposition 5: Behavior and change should be evaluated in terms of context and ecology.

We have already learned three presuppositions:

1. Everyone lives in their own unique model of the world. 

2. Map is not the territory.

3. Underlying every behavior there is a positive intention.

          In this session we discuss two presuppositions together considering their interrelationship. It is related to person, behaviour and its change. Behaviour and its change determine the quality of the life of a person. Behaviour is the basis of all personal progress. It determines success and failure. Also behaviour is an indication of the mental state of a person at any moment. It is the key attribute that constitute the personality. And NLP is all about behaviour and behavioural change.

         

          The fourth presupposition to discuss is ‘even though the only reliable information about a person is the behaviour, the person is not the behaviour’. This is one of the key presupposition which enables one to see a person separate from his behaviour so that counseling and healing will be effective. Usually it is the human nature to evaluate a person based only on his attitude, behaviour and habits. That’s true because those are the only reliable first hand information about a person we have. And it is one of the reasons for all relationship problems.

          Usually nobody take initiative to study what is the reason for a person to behave in such a way so that the problem has been created or why the person shown a wrong attitude. Instead they come up with a conclusion that the person dislikes them or is now their enemy. So now the problem has created a wall of separation between two friends or two relatives or two coworkers. This is how daughter in law concludes that her mother in law is a devil or the bride thinks that her husband is not a gentleman. This is the reason for children sometimes dislike their parents of rejecting their needs. Most of the bosses are enemies for subordinates because they think that behaviour is the person.

          If a person behaved in a wrong manner in the family or in the society we stamped him as wrong, perverted, antisocial etc. We never ask why or how? Also this is a common mistake done by parents and teachers towards children. They generalize and put black mark on some children as lazy, fool, naughty, idiot, average, nuisance, headache etc. And interestingly many of these so called black marked children later become great political leaders and rule the excellent group, brilliant engineers and scientists! However the unfortunate thing is that we lose many of such children in the dark corridors of the life.

          A therapist, healer or counsellor can’t think like a common man. They must think based on the presupposition ‘even though the only reliable information about a person is the behavior, the person is not the behaviour.’ It means that if the behaviour changes, the person changes and the behaviour and change should be evaluated in terms of context and ecology.

          I will make it very clear. There was a murder case in south India in which the accused kills his uncle and aunty to steel their gold and money to lead a luxury life with his friends. The crime has been proved with clear cut evidences and witnesses. The court has sentenced the convict life imprisonment which is unfortunately only 12years in India. Now see the twist. During his tenure in the jail the man changed himself. He obtained a good behaviour certificate from the jail superintendent. He confessed his sin and become a social worker. Now he served as a missionary in the jail! And he is also looking after the children of prisoners.

          This is a real story pointing fingers towards the behavioural change for person. The behaviour of a person is an acquired attribute part of his internal representation and not something obtained by birth. The internal representation depends on the perception and filtration which are created by the ecology in which the person is born and brought up. I mean you can’t simply blame a person for his negative behaviour. And the most important thing is that the particular behaviour which creates a problem to the person or to others is only a very little part of his actual behaviour. That particular behaviour is not the total sum of his personality.

         

          We should not equate a person’s worth or identity with a particular behaviour.  Say for example the naughty behaviour of a child never indicates the core personality or the positive self worth of the child. A clear distinction should be made between the self, the intention and the particular behaviour. In the case of the convict we have discussed above, his core personality was positive and that’s why he could change his unwanted criminal behaviour. Our society makes a major mistake when it writes off the possibilities of correcting the behaviour of a person and considers the unwanted behaviour as the identity of that person.

          NLP evaluate a person’s behaviour in terms of context and ecology. We have seen earlier that no event itself has a meaning and we give meanings within the limits of our internal map. Another common mistake is that we separate the behaviour from the context. When a student shows unsatisfactory performance in an exam teacher should enquire about the context and ecology. What elements affect the student’s performance? What behavioural change he has? Verify his ecology? Are there remarkable changes in the ecology? What are the latest events?

          The only reliable information about a person is their behavior. Behavior is not the person. The person is much more than the behavior. Never equate a person’s worth or identity with a particular behavior. Accept the person first and then systematically approach for a behavioural change.

          Behavior and change are to be evaluated in terms of context and ecology. Behavior is created specifically to the situation and the reality currently being experienced. Whether this behavior is good, bad, useful or un-useful, it was adapted to the situation in which it was created. A negative behaviour may be the result of a negative context or ecology.

          The above presuppositions are very important for a healer or a counsellor. They should not approach a client with prejudice mind. They have to accept the person and change the behaviour. Give much value and considerations to the positive self worth of each client. Teachers and parents must learn NLP so that they can manage their children systematically and easily to change the behaviour and therefore achieve the desired outcomes (goals). Unfortunately our teachers and parents are so uneducated in facing such life situations and they send their children to hospitals!

          Almost all the Obsessive Compulsive Disorders and Impulsive Behaviours are the result of context and ecology where a person is born and brought up. As we have seen earlier that a vulture hatched and brought up with chickens can’t behave like a vulture! It is applicable in the case of every animal however for the human beings the good thing is that we can teach and trains them new behaviour to replace the old comparatively with little efforts. But the Changer should approach the client with the required expertise and patience.

         

          Once again remember the Presuppositions even though the only reliable information about a person is the behavior, the person is not the behaviour and Behavior and change should be evaluated in terms of context and ecology.