You Can Change Your Husband

You can change your husband!

          To change is a natural law. It is the sign of development. No progress without change. Here we are discussing about the personality change of a person for a better family life. Personality change makes change in personal life, professional life and family life. A person can change himself by self motivation or by the influence of others. In an NLP point of view if you want to change a person you have to complete as a minimum four tasks.

1   1. Set a goal and visualize it

2   2. Identify the personality to change

     3. Change Yourself to build rapport

4   4. Accept the inner world of the other person

          I know it is a very difficult task for you to change your attitude, behaviour and habits that you follow for years. Then how can you expect the other person to change their attributes that he follows! The fact is that everybody can change. Every life change is goal oriented or a life change without goal is not sustainable. We will discuss this matter in detail.

          Maria is a fatty girl of twelve years almost close to her adolescence. Most of her friends are slim and they shower comments on her regarding her habits of eating everything. So far she neglected such comments and keep on satisfy her taste buds. However now a days she is beauty conscious and observing her cute friends. She notices that all heroines are slim. She also notices that slim and cute girls have boyfriends! She likes boys but she has no boyfriends at all and even boys too comments at her. She feels inferiority complex and has sleepless nights now. One day she read an article in women’s magazine saying that changing to slim is not a difficult task! “Thank God, this is your gift for me on the right time”! She has decided to follow the instructions of dietician and yoga guru as outlined in the magazine.

          Think for a moment, what will happen to her now? Will she be succeeded? Can we have a slim and cute Maria? All depends on how serious is she with her goals. If she has a definite goal and she chases it with an intense desire to succeed, her dream becomes true. Every achievement whether small or big in our life is the result of a goal oriented task. However we don’t notice it because though we set the goal consciously achieving goals is an unconscious task. Goals for the existence of life set naturally by all animals including human being unless there is any psychological lapse.  In order to achieve her goal Maria should recalls it every day many times.  She should visualize the goal with her inner eyes. There should only be the new slim and cute Maria in her mind, not that old fatty girl. Once your unconscious mind accepts the new you, the slim and cute, then you have succeeded because your unconscious will not allow you to follow your earlier junk food menu and the lazy daily activities. You changes your old life style means you changes yourself to achieve your goal. Many of us want to achieve goals but not ready to change ourselves. You should have a meaningful and systematic program to achieve your goal. This is how every winner accomplishes their task and achieves their desired goal.

          Considering the above example of Maria, she achieves her new outlook by setting a goal and changing life style. She has changed her attitude, behaviour and habits towards food, physical activities and life style. Similar exercise requires to changes other person who is a part of your life. If you continue your attitude, behaviour and habits unaltered you can’t change your spouse or your children. First of all you have to set the definite goal and secondly study the unique personality of other person. Thirdly, you should change your attitude, behaviour and habits to adjust with the personality of other person. Finally and most importantly you should accept the inner world of the other person. Acceptance, Respect, Love and Care are very important in maintaining better relationship. Don’t think that you’re losing all positive attributes and accepting negatives. It is the diffusion of two different cultures.

          Once a housewife met a Sage and explained her miserable life. Her husband is an official working in a government firm. Every night he comes drunk. She awaits him to dine together every day. But at the dining table he blames her for some of the dishes or on some other matters. Then she feels very bad and replies. She cries and curses.  The man retaliates with more insulting words. The fight continues and man finishes his dinner and goes to sleep. The poor girl with intense anger and distress eat nothing and goes to bed. This repeats every night and her life becomes miserable and it affects her physical and mental health. The sage enquires everything in detail and suggested, “I will give you a powerful medicine.  Take two teaspoon of it and mix it with one glass of water and take mouthful while your husband comes. Neither drinks in nor spit it out. It is a medicine that cools you down and the powerful energy waves from the medicine reaches your husband and cools him too. You repeat every day until he goes to bed. Then come back after two weeks”. She comes after two weeks and said there is no problem so far. Then the Sage suggests to continue the medicine for one month and to come again. When she came back after one month she looked very happy and said “Guru, actually my husband is a wonderful person and he loves me a lot”. What happened here? The girl sets a goal and changes herself first and that influences her husband naturally.   

          As we have already seen every person has a unique and distinct personality that comprises attitude, behaviour and habits. This personality is the result of that person’s internal world created from the sensory input of lifelong experiences. We can’t blame persons for their negative attributes which are part of personality. No human being wants to be bad by themselves. In NLP point of view there is a positive intention behind every action of a person. Negative behaviour of people are the result of their ecology where they born and brought up. A vulture born and brought up with chickens never acquires vulture’s attributes. The results of social researches done on feral men indicate the importance of ‘proper’ socialization of human being.

          In arranged marriages boy and girl never know the other person’s characteristics unless they have premarital relationship for a long time. But it is not acceptable in arranged marriages and unfortunately it is the most acceptable form of marriages in many part of the world. However the fact is that relationship problems exist in both. NLP is a wonderful tool for relationship management. Keep on learning NLP.